Breaking up has never been easy,especially if you care about your own safety.  If,sorry -when you do get caught in the position of having to break up with a girl,don't even think about it,just wait it out. Wait for what,you might ask. You have to wait for her to dump you. Research,never mind which one,has proven that females derive a great sense of satisfaction from doing the dumping. For the girls, you've have probably heard the lines, ”I'm not good enough for you”, before.

Of course he doesn't mean that,what he actually means is that he wants to move on,but well aware of the threat you might pose to his life and safety,he prefers to do it with your full backing.  From acid attacks to witchcraft,women just cant  be trusted when it comes to matters of breaking up. It gets a whole  new twist when you have a girl who wont let you go. She will insist that she believes that someday you will change and that you deserve a second chance. In that case I would advise that you familiarize yourself with her and the relationship because you seem stuck with each other.

And when you do get her to dump you,for the icing on the cake you must make sure you plead for her to take you back. Not too much though,she just might do so and we don't want that,now do we? As hard as it might be,please avoid anything sexual,this will only complicate things and corrupt your mind into re-thinking  your stance as another research(again,don't mind which one and by who)has proven that women tend to perform exceptionally well in bed during break-up sex.

Don't let the movies fool you,there is absolutely no way you can remain friends after a genuine break-up. I say genuine because 90%,(this time according to my own research)of the break ups you hear about are kiwani. Many of you claim to be over each other ,but just hide under the guise of friendship to re ignite a lost love.

Just the other day,i realized that as much as my blogs are interesting,they don't seem to enjoy as much popularity as those of my colleague who runs mostly emotional content. Her articles and the number of people craving for her “wise words” is the reason that I have decided to switch my approach. No more naked women and R-rated stories for you,from now on I will be concentrating on grooming a more moral bunch by feeding you on loads of emotional crap. I cant tell for sure how long this will go,but lets just say that if the statistics prove to me that this approach is more productive than my previous one,you might as well get used to me talking about “my abusive husband.” Well for this week,i think I will start off by telling you how we met.(I'm not liking this already!)

It was a chilly evening and I was out with the girls on an exclusively ladies only night. God I hate those nights, I mean how many times do you hear about us going on a guys only night out,-intentionally that is. Oops, forget I said that. Where was I, so here we were minding our own business and having fun,when this towering figure appeared out of nowhere and asked if we could dance. My response was so predictable,“What, do you think I'm one of those young and desperate girls you meet out once and end up in bed with?”

The fool had the guts to reply in the affirmative,and for that I just ignored him and got back to dancing as the girls cheered me on. Being the hyena that all men are, he didn't waste any time moving on to hit on the next girl in line,one of my gal friends. We all paused for a second as we waited to see the look on his face when she turned him down as well. That B!*%#! She told him to meet her at another location. I run in to them getting cozy in the dark and exchanging contacts when it was time to leave the club. I tried to remain silent but you can trust us girls when it comes to silent treatment and taking advantage of the guilty conscience. That ladies and gentlemen is just one of the excuses I use when asked why I am thirty and still single, “My best friend stole my man.”

Fellow ladies,what do you have to learn from this? Don't give up the opportunity to meet your next ex- boyfriend simply to prove point, and stop using the lame “Im-hungin-with-my-girls” excuse. If you have found this as helpful as I have,leave a comment on your lessons learned, and feel free to say just how much you love the all new me.

I have tried to remain silent about this but I can’t anymore.  Rather than simply complain like a typical Ugandan, I made it a point to try and come up with a solution. Any one of you out there who has ever tried to pull off a Jamaican accent after having one too many (hours with your TV music dedicated channel), should find this very helpful. I have put together a brief Patios (yes, Patios, and not Patwa as your “instructor” taught you), dictionary. Here goes:

AGONY   :    the sensations felt during sex
BABYLON : the corrupt establishment, the "system  " Church and  State 2. the police, a policeman
BAD  :  good, great(eg,That man a bad man.)
BANTON :   a storyteller
BASHMENT  :  party, dance, session
BATTYBWOY  :  a gay person
BEENIE  :  little
CLOT  :    1. an essential part of most Jamaican bad words,  such as bumbo clot, rass clot, blood clot, etc. 2. literally means a used tampon
BLOOD CLOT  :  curse words
BWOY  : Boy
CHALICE or CHILLUM :    a pipe for smoking herb, usually made from coconut shell
NAH  : adv. will not. Emphatic as in "Me nah do that".
SPLIFF : large, cone-shaped marijuana cigarette .
CYAAN : can't.
DUTTY  : dirty.
FAS'  :  to be fast with, meaning to be rude, impertinent,  to meddle with somebody’s business, to be forward, etc

Thats that for now,I’m out ,Jah Rastafaraaaaai, bumbo clot,ohh sorry,what I meant to say was………..Never mind!.

You may under look them while others may even think them not a worthy topic to discuss but one thing we all agree on is that we need them. Quite similar to theirs, is the role played by native Africans in ancient America during the spell of racism. They do what we as urban and modernized beings would deem “dirty”. Just like any other necessity (yeah, I meant necessity) you will often doubt just how much you need them considering the ka 40k you give them monthly, on top of the food, water and electricity they consume. Further thought  could even tempt you to totally give up on the whole idea which might seem as sheer human laziness on your side. It is then, ladies and gentlemen, that you will, just like a friend I know did, learn the hard way, just how much you need this unfortunate lot of “villagers'. Imagine yourself coming home with another one of your girlfriends after promising  a delicious home-cooked meal as bait. You get home and remember that you laid off, no, retrenched, your housie.

The closest you have to what you promised is left over rolex from last night. Smart-you will come up with the idea of sending for some take-away from Nalongo’s . But then again, you no longer have the loyal donkey at your disposal.

There’s an unexpected knock on the gate and it is only after some hard banging that you remember that opening the gate has now come down to you.
Before you're even done opening,she lets herself in screaming, “Honey, am home”. According to you,its poor Bosco's fault. Like he’s the one who told your official girl to cancel her trip and pay you a  surprise visit!

After all, “taking care” of uninvited guests while you are busy courting others is part of his job. Any real guy (middle-aged, with a life worth living) can bear me witness as to why bachelor-housies are the most paid. While he’s at it,he might also give you one hundred different possible endings to that scenario. It is at that moment ,in you’re bed, at night, with bruises all over, and a busy Monday morning to look forward to, that you, just as my friend did,realize that you can actually afford the “luxury” of having a housie. Early Monday morning,you make that desperate call to Bosco's grandmother's neighbor to have him return. All of a sudden,you no longer find his nagging demands for a salary increment and stubborn conditions like that of you never coming between him and the “Late Show”,acceptable. For a comfortable life, there are two things we need to accept, first is that we cant do without a housie and secondly, those guys cant do without a regular doze of Straka.